A Different Take

Ghost of Her Memories

2011-05-13T10:31:00.001-07:00

It’s still warm in here in spite of the cold,
Soaking wet in the rain alone I feel,
It’s her warmth surrounding my soul,

I stand beneath the tree: my shelter from rain,
But its shade has vanished and its leaves gone,
Every raindrop feels like a small package of pain.

Why her smell has always lingered around,
Why in my dreams, I see her beautiful face,
Why in my small things, her presence I always found,

Why her thought never leaves me alone,
Why I feel her lips upon mine when I close my eyes,
Why reminisce of her touch cuts me right down to my bone.

I can’t forget the sinuous grace of her move,
When she undulated in the rhythm of beats,
She could mesmerize me when she got in the groove.

I’ll never have her unbridled hair brushing across my face,
And I know the scent of her body will no longer be mine,
Her eyes will still ramble but my eyes have to give up the chase....

The Rain....

2010-04-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

I looked at the wall clock hanging in the corner of my room. It didn’t have a second’s hand. I stared at it for while. It did not seem to move. I became restless. I looked outside the window in a faint hope of digressing my mind. I saw the glaring sun, looking at me loftily. Everything was bothering me. I tried to sleep but appalling thoughts crept into my head as soon as i closed my eyes. I could hear the cheerful discussion of my friends outside the room which sounded more like rancour to my ears. It seemed my small wooden door was unable to occlude my pain from the joy of others. I was afraid to go outside. I was not a recluse. I thought my agony would spoil the celebration of my friends. And i did not want sympathy. I wanted my luck, my good fortune which had been eluding me for a long time. It saddened me when i saw even dilettantes getting a job just because they could communicate well and rode their luck. I didn’t envy anyone. It had never been in my nature. But i guess there are times when you disbelief your own self. It is beyond my comprehension when someone chooses communication skills over knowledge as the sought after quality. I always had believed that my little weakness in language would be compensated by my knowledge over the subject matter, but i forgot a key factor- luck....
Every time i closed my eyes, the face of my father crept in, drenched in affliction. I was the only hope for him and for our deplorable condition. I can primly recall how he used to proudly say that i was his future. I remembered the time of my childhood when my father lost his job owing to his poor health, and pall of gloom descended on our family as we sunk in severe financial crisis. Despite studying in a substandard government school, I was hell bent on changing the course of our life and for that i studied very hard. But never had i thought, i would end up in a situation more pitiful than ever before. As these painful thoughts crossed my mind, I felt a painful convulsion throughout my body. I closed my eyes hard so as to shut out the thoughts and tried to sleep.
I woke to the sound of the rain upon the sill. I had no idea for how long i had been sleeping. I didn’t want to look at the clock again. The sound outside had calmed down. I felt a little light. I got out of my bed impassively. I came out of my room, tottering, and got outside, into the rain. I rambled for an hour in the heavy rain and then lied on the grass. Every drop of water on my body seemed to lacerate it. Every drop felt as if it washed away a little pain from inside. I closed my eyes but did not sleep. I wanted to drip every drop of heaviness off my soul and i wanted to feel it while its going out, moving through my skin. I lied there, quiescent for a long time.
There were no thoughts, no regret, no envy, no agony. I felt stolid. I stood up. The rain had stopped. I was wet but did not feel cold. Suddenly i felt as if nothing had happened, as if i were back to the time when i started my journey of college life. I felt i could start again with fresh energy, face any difficulty with the same zeal and valour i had before. I felt confident. I didn’t know what to do but i knew something had to be done. I walked back unhurriedly to my hostel. I didn’t even look at anyone on my way. I took a quick bath and rested on my chair. Now i had to ponder over the possible options i had for my future.
The lost horse was back on track again. To run. To fight. To conquer......

p.s.- Inspired by a true story.

You will find me there always, friend

2010-01-09T04:16:00.000-08:00

Awake as an owl i was that dark chilly morning,
Thinking about someone i haven't even met,
Strange and proscribe as it may be,
I somehow knew, i would not regret.

I knew not what to do,
I remember not what i thought,
I found nothing to calm me,
But i knew what my heart sought.

Her voice puts a smile on my face,
I desire her for the smile she wore,
I become servile to her arcane eyes,
Her chuckle makes me love her even more.

The nonsense talk and the precept,
She sure has it all,
She trusts me but does not believe,
When she need me I'll be standing tall.

She bears my grate talk,
"Don't think" she use to say,
I care about her and i never learn,
Coz she makes me feel special in every way.

I believe our inchoate relation has grown,
And through the troubles the God may send,
Coz I cannot see your puerile chuckle die,
I promise you'll find me there always, friend.

Unobserved interesting correlation

2009-06-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

As we all move to fourth year of our five year marathon, we can boast of some memorable experiences here. I can aver that there has been some transformation in all of us, good or bad. I have taken up some new hobbies, discovered some ‘hidden talents’ in me and most importantly these three years have changed my personality as a whole. I have become more outgoing, less credulous but a bit pervert. I have started watching a few American serials, playing table tennis, counter strike and cards to name a few changes.

I have watched Friends, Prison Break, How I met your mother, Heroes, Big Bang Theory and a few seasons of Seinfeld and smallvillae. I have written the names in the order of my liking for them. Now,coming to the point, In this blog, I have tried to relate some of my batch mates to any character in the serials resembling them. I found this idea interesting, though not new. All of them may not be corroborated by solid reasons but I'll try my best. Please note that I have missed some names as I could not find their relation to any serial character to my knowledge.

Bradraj ------ Howard (BBT) & Cosmo Kramer(Seinfeld’s neighbor in Seinfeld)

Abhiket ------ Rajesh (BBT), Ted (HMYM) & Ugly naked man (Friends)

ADG ----------- Sheldon (BBT) [No doubt]

Challenger ----------Barney (HMYM)

Sayan ----------- Leonard (BBT)

Nishant ----------- Phoebe (Friends) & Seinfeld (Seinfeld)

Priyadarshi ----------Lincoln Burrows (Prison Break) [Serious and no-nonsense]

Shubham ------------- Barney (HMYM) & Joey (Friends)

Aabhas --------------- Leonard (BBT) & Monica (Friends)

Ebad ---------------------Howard (BBT) & Chandler (Friends)

Asit ------------------Ross (Friends)

Arijit ---------------Hero Nakamura (Heroes)

Kaushik ------------Marshall (HMYM)

Anshul --------------- Ted (HMYM)

Sunil --------------- Joey (Friends)

Rahul -------------- Yaar Rahul ke jaisa ek character toh hona hi chahiye

Raghu -------------- ******** (censored)

Debashis ----------------- Ross (Friends)

Pankaj ----------------------- Joey (Friends)

Dharamraj ----------------- Lilly (HMYM) [Both are interested in kids.]

Manish ---------------------- Cosmo Kramer(Seinfeld’s neighbor in Seinfeld)

P.S.- Give your comments and communicate to me if you think there is any better related character than I have mentioned for anybody.

My Date with Priyanka- Part 2

2008-11-29T09:34:00.000-08:00

If the evening of my first date was one of the most beautiful evenings of my life, the few days after that were the most restless. I could not sleep, I could not eat and of course studying was out of the question. To make the matter worse, end sem was round the corner. The only thing that was assuaging me was the thought of meeting Priyanka again, who was going to stay in kolkata for a week more. I thought of asking her out again but as i hadn't proposed her yet, i feared that she might take me wrong (nonsensical fear as usual!).
But at last my fervor won over my enigma and i called her. After the usual chit chat and repeatedly asking the question 'Aur sab kya haal-chaal hai?' (The ice breaker of a uncomfortable silence!), i asked her out. To my surprise, she agreed. I don't know why we, boys think so negatively when it comes to talking to girls, as if girls don't like to hang out and they hate boys. So, then we fixed the meeting (not a date, not yet) at Mani Square, a new mall at salt lake. It was close to her house and my hostel and we already had gone once to city center. Ironically, she suggested a better idea, a movie! No need to say, i agreed instantly (even though it was 'Yuvraaj', which i was sure not to watch ever). So, Tuesday afternoon it was. I later remembered i had classes including a practical, that afternoon. I always have had this problem of forgetting things related to studies since my childhood, be it bringing 'H.W.' copies or drawing notebooks to class during schooldays or deadlines of submitting assignments here. But who cares. After all, a movie with Priyanka! who is gonna miss that for a biology practical class where standing, watching and pretending is all i do. Even the theory classes, especially the biology one, is turning me into a good actor. After all, making the teacher believe that you are understanding everything is not a simple job, and i certainly have gained expertise in that.
The movie was from 3 p.m. and i was in more or less the same condition as my previous date. I had my lunch as soon as it came. This time too, i didn't tell anyone. After all it worked well last time. I left my college at 2 o'clock to take tickets. I was sure to get them even at the last moment as it was a Shubhas Ghai's flick. I was not wrong. I didn't find any other person buying or having Yuvraaj's ticket, and for a moment i even pictured us together alone in the hall. But alas! life rarely gives you these moments.
Then she came, just before the movie started. Girls have the knack of arriving right in time. She was wearing a blue denim jeans and a red T-shirt. To my surprise, she was wearing a lot of makeup compared to the last time we met. We hardly had the time to talk as the movie had started and i had to pretend that the movie was important (once again, the biology class helped!). I didn't take the corner seats as it might have been equivocal. But it didn't matter. The screen-3 (Yuvraaj) of Imax was almost empty with only a handful of people dispersed around. After 30minutes of the movie, i realized why Shubhas Ghai is considered a director who has past his glorious days(The Govinda jugalbandi). I am sure she was also feeling the same. We talked little during that period. Then i decided something audacious. To hold her hand. Normally, it would have taken a whole life time to gather that courage. But sometimes, you are not yourself. That's what happened. I held her hand. I felt a euphoria, as if somebody gave me a dose of nitrous oxide! Though ephimeral, it was memorable. Suddenly, i experienced her hand going motionless, but then she also held my hand. Never ever in my life, i had thought my hand had the power of generating that amount of sweat. She was sweating in an a.c. theater! (reminded me of the movie little manhattan) None of us uttered a single word. Then there was the much awaited interval. We came out and talked as if nothing happened. We decided not watch the movie further for two reasons. One was the movie itself and other was the reason that we both knew but didn't say.
We came downstairs to eat something in MacD. We sat there and just as we started taking i saw something that totally took me by surprise. A few of my friends were coming to MacD. As they saw us, they shouted from a distance. It was impossible to ignore them so i invited them with a spurious grin. They came and sat down ignoring my 'signals'. They talked as few more of my batch mates arrived. I don't know, how i missed the point that Mani Square is the most frequently visited mall by all of us. After that, it was only a 'group discussion', especially about me. They tried to reveal the dirtiest of my secrets to her, though she took it jokingly. They insisted me to pay their bills. In front of her, I had no other choice.
It was getting late. So we came out and she left in a taxi. After she left, i was the target of my friends that day.

The Mirror of Life

2008-11-25T11:24:00.000-08:00

When i cross the street,
When i stand on a platform,
I see faces....i see them everywhere,
Faces drenched in affliction,
Faces asking for help,
Each has its own story,
But nobody to hear it.

I look closely,
Wait! they are familiar,
I see them all the time, everywhere,
Its not different, but then what is?
Is it fate? or is it us?
Let us see ourselves in this mirror,
A betoken of the dark side of humanity.

We say God is partial,
But no, we are...
For we divided us and God too,
The God of rich and the God of poor,
And the God of different religions.
He must be teary,
Or maybe who knows, laughing at us?

P.S.- This is my first poem. Critics are welcome.

My First Date

2008-10-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

It was Sunday morning. Never ever in my life, i had felt the sort of goosebumps i was feeling then. No exam thing can come near that. Not even with the exams where i have gone completely unprepared and my friends are terrifying me by asking me arduous questions. I don't remember how many times i checked the clock. It seemed to be running slow (reminded me of Einstein's quote about sitting near a fire place compared to sitting near a girl. remember?). I was having, what they call, butterflies in the stomach. Now if you haven't got it from all this, let me tell you, it was my 'First Date'.
Life was going very smooth before that. Going to class, attending the boring lectures, doing the practicals with apathy and fatigue, coming back to hostel and playing TT and finally chatting and 'orkutting' (boy, we have made a word here!) before going to bed. You call it boredom, i called it 'smooth'. But no, life had chosen a roller coaster ride for me. One fine day, while usual 'orkutting', i found a friend request from a girl named Priyanka. A little out of the blue for me of getting a friend's request from a beautiful girl (i saw her album there), but quite usual in the 'world' of orkut. The 'world' of orkut- yes, that's what we say for something that has become so rife, that it has become a part of our lives, literally. I causally accepted the request. Little did i know that it will change many things in near future. We chatted about few common things that day. She seemed to be a smart and confident girl. She was in the first year of a B.B.A. course in Pune. Days passed by and we chatted more often, like every two day or something. The more i knew her, the more she interested me. She also liked to chat with me. One day i gathered the courage to ask her phone number. She gave it, a little hesitant though. We then started to talk on phone. She was just a friend as i told everybody, but deep inside me, i knew i had started to like her. One day, she told me she was coming to Kolkata to see her uncle. I was overjoyed by the thought of meeting her for the first time. She came, and for the first time in my life, i asked somebody out. She agreed and said enthusiastically she also wanted to meet me. We decided on Sunday, 5p.m. at city center. So it was official now- "On Sunday, was my first date".
I was absolutely restless. Still 7 hours to go. "What am i gonna do when i meet her? what should i say? If i am so fidgety now, what will my condition be when i meet her?" All these thoughts worked as a negative feedback for my already low confidence. I did not tell any of my friends about this date as they obviously would not have made it any easier. My rommie somehow sensed my restlessness (actually it was quite apparent!). But i convinced him, it was just the test on Monday (very tough, i tell you as he knows me very well). After a long wait , the clock showed 3:30 and i could not wait any longer. It takes 5 minutes to reach city center from my hostel, but waiting in the room looking at the clock and the suspicious look of my roommate was killing me. I wandered aimlessly for 15 minutes at the city center (nothing new in that), as i didn't want to present myself eager. Then i entered the Cafe Coffee Day, where the date was fixed. There was hardly anyone there who was not on a date. I tell you, the CCD owner is an excellent businessman. You will understand my point if you look at the price column in the menu. Who looks at that on a date! and they benefit. I waited for another 15 min as waiters constantly looked at me as i ordered nothing.
Then she came. She was wearing a beautiful orange salwar suit, and a sweet smile on her beautiful face. I immediately recognized her as my heartbeat rose to almost a level that i could hear it. I stood up as she came near me and said hi. I don't know who inside me spoke as i certainly wasn't in a condition to speak. She also greeted me and we sat down. I asked about her journey and all and the conversation began. The waiter saw it as an opportunity to give us the menu. He smiled at me with a look of apology. I gave him a bad look for disturbing us. We ordered the same thing, cold coffee. I don't know why she ordered that, but i ordered it because i was sweating incessantly. But amazingly, she had a calming effect on me. The more we talked, the more comfortable i became. She was quite an interesting person and i enjoyed every moment of our talk. Sometimes, when she pulled her hair to back of her ear, which she quite regularly did with her shoulder length hair, i could not stop myself from looking a little longer at her than i should, and realizing later from her look, that i was actually gazing at her. "I should go now. Its 6 pm, i'll be late" she said, when i realized our coffee was over 20 min before. And damn, how can it be 6 pm. We just started talking. I just hate my clock. We came out of CCD, and she took a taxi back. I looked until the taxi was out of my sight. It was then, when i realized it was the most beautiful evening of my life. I came back to hostel and not able to resist my excitement, i told my friends about it. They 'celebrated' more than me. I kept thinking of her until i went to bed. Not to mention i failed in the Monday test...

P.S.- Please note that all characters (except me of course) and incidences written above are fictious and any resemblance to living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

Does God Exist?

2008-09-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

I would like to start with a funny incident which goes like this- Once a man took a cab to his destination. On the way, he asked the fare, on which the cab driver replied "Nothing". The man was astonished yet ecstatic as anyone would be. As he left the cab, the cab driver asked for his fare. The man was taken aback, "You didn't ask for anything" but the cab driver refused. "I can't believe this, you said you will take nothing.", said the man in a boisterous overtone. "There you go. Give me my NOTHING." The story goes on but i'll stop here. (The story is from Akbar-Birbal story collection, by the way.)
Why i wrote this story? There is a beautiful concept in this short story. The concept of 'NOTHING'. What is 'nothing'. Is it the absence of 'something'? Think and you'll see how tough this question really is. Lets go to science to look for answers. Take the Big Bang Theory for example. The main theme of the theory is that the universe is expanding. The evident expansion in forward time requires that the universe contracted backwards in time, and would continue to do so until it could contract no further, bringing all the mass of the universe into a single point, at a point in time before which time and space did not exist. As such, at this point, the fabric of time and space had not yet come into existence. The more you think of it, the more it sounds incomprehensible. But if its true, i am sure many questions arise and most of them are unanswerable. One of them is the existence of god.
As quoted by French philosopher André Comte-Sponville,
"Why is there something rather than nothing? We do not know. We will never know. Why? To what purpose? We do not know whether there is a purpose. But if it is true that nothing is born of nothing, the very existence of something – the world, the universe – would seem to imply that there has always been something: that being is eternal, uncreated, perhaps creator, and this is what some people call God."
I don't say that the existence of god is irrefutable. But there are plenty of reasons to believe in it.
If you found a clock and examined the mechanism within it, you would probably think that this intricate mechanism was not the outcome of mere chance, that it had been designed.Now look at the universe; is it possible that such an intricate mechanism, from the orbits of planets round the sun to the cells in our fingernails could all have happened by chance? Surely, this enormously complex mechanism has been designed, and the being that designed it must be God.
If the universe is designed by God and the universe is perfect, then god is perfect. And as God is perfect, he must exist, for it seems rational to think of somebody's existence who has all perfections.
Lets look into life to support our argument. Development in life sciences has reached wonderful heights and is rising at the most rapid pace compared to any other branch of science. Many questions have been answered and many things have been made. But the biggest question is will a human being be able to create 'life'? It doesn't look promising. Man may will be able to mimic all the components of a cell (a 'distant' possibility if it is), but who will give it the 'life'; who will make it alive. This is the biggest question atheists have to answer. Is it God? Is it God who gave us life, gives us power and gave this wonderful universe to live in?
These are the questions that have always been unanswered. May be it is beyond human capability to answer any of that. May we are not the one to answer. May be. Who knows?

P.S.--Don't forget to comment.

The success of failure

2008-06-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

One thing that has always fascinated me is the idea of success and failure in life. How do we define success or failure? One way of defining success may be ‘to be able to do whatever was planed or thought.’ So obviously, no living being on this earth wants to fail.

Many a times, I wonder how the world would be, if there were no failures. This is seemingly an impossible situation as success for some means failure for someone else. But let us assume for this moment that everybody has independent interests in life and no one is affected by anyone’s success or failure. Now, an instantaneous feeling would be, ‘wow! That would be great’. But think a bit and you will realize the significance of failure in life.

Let’s look at it in this way. We don’t want to fail because we want to succeed. ‘But if there is no failure, there will be no success’. Success and failure are complementary terms. So, in the absence of failure, the result will always come out to be the same that we expected and wanted. And there will be nothing like a ‘success’ because the result will be obvious.

Leaving behind the logical argument, let’s go into the philosophical aspect. We all work hard for success. But actually, it is the fear of failure that makes us work hard. One may argue ‘why work hard?’ We are striving for success, and in the absence of failure, we are getting it anyway. I beg to differ with this argument. I personally feel that it is the journey and not the destination which matters in life. The success that comes after perseverance and hard work has a taste of its own. The absence of failure takes out the joy of success. You will understand my point if you have felt that pleasure after taking an exam when you worked hard for it. Life is all about living with joy. Imagine success without joy; it is worse than a failure.

Success has no meaning without failure. But, THIS IS NO EXCUSE FOR FAILURE. I will be kicked if I say, “I failed because failure is also important.” [:)]